The New Adventures of Captain N

Diary Entry 2

It wasn't meant ter be.

Well…Here we are diary. I thought I may never write again but…I think I need ter get this all down. Lots has happened since I last wrote…I really don’t feel like relivin’ it. Just know bad things went down and we all ended up practically destroyin’ a world o’ funny blocks. It’s quiet in Samus’ ship now. Chrono is off in his corner, brooding….red is bein’ surprisingly quiet and the Captain seems ter be restin’ up. Samus is fly’in her ship to the place o’ power and….I don’t know whut’s waitin’ fer us there. All I know is it ain’t good…. It’s never good.

I don’t know whuts wrong with me. Life was so…simple before… I knew whut I wanted in life and everthang was so clear ter me. Now I… don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I felt like…my heart had been played with like a cat with a ball o’ yarn. All my personal feelin’s…seem so wrong now. I haven’t felt so lost since Mama died. I feel like that sixteen year old boy again…so angry wit nothin’ to lash at but himself. No family waitin’ fer me…only a heirloom farm that may never feel like it’s truly mine.

It was the way she smiled that had me smitten… When first met her she seemed so shy…so reserved. Nothin’ like Nami or Muffy. A farmin’ girl who seemed ter understand me…I thought I might’a been in love. But she doesn’t love me…I can see that all clear-like now. Those feelings I’d felt from her were nothin’ but fabrications. Lies. And now I feel nothin. I used ter think I was fightin’ so I could go home…get back ter her before it was too late…go back before she married Marvin or some other feller that Vesta tries marrin’ her off ter. When I thought o’ her…I knew what I wanted…suddenly the life forced on me wasn’t lookin’ so bad. I foolishly thought that I had found mai place. Everythang fer once made so much sense…I knew that wherever she was…I wanted to be too. I wanted ter wake up beside her every day and live ma life with her beside me.

But now….

I tore up the blue feather the Captain gave meh. It didn’t seem right ter keep it anymore. I keep a strong face from now on for mai comrades. I need ter be strong fer them… After this is over…the fight…the battle…everythang…I’m not too sure on whut I’ll do. I’m not sure I wanna go home, no more. Maybe if I’m still breathin’ I’ll live at the place and work as a gardener’ or somthin’. I’ll wanna go back ter fetch my animals…at least I know I still love ‘dem… Then…I dunno…All I do know is I am willin’ to die fer the Captain and these folks I’ve come ter know as mai best friends.

All I ever wanted was to have a happeh family. I wanted to be a daddy someday and have a lovin’ wife and a few kids that I could raise and love the way a papa should. Ter give mai kids the life I never had…to make mai Mama proud o’ me. That’s all I ever wanted.

But it wasn’t meant ter be.

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SergeiBraginski

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