The New Adventures of Captain N

P.B.&J. (Pirates, Blocks and Jumping!)

PokeDex Log Entry
Trainer: Red

Wow, so much crazy has happened! We’ve gone from the lowest depths of something out of a kid’s worst nightmare (and I’m not talking being grounded), to the highest peaks of cloudy goodness (or badness in our case). Ok so we were stuck in the fiery place that looked like heck and we were trying really hard to get out. There was screaming and wailing and all sorts of scary sights and noises. Luckily we just kept to ourselves and kept moving, Samus saw a bunch of these weird portals that were dumping stuff into heck. Charlie pointed out that different videogames were dumping out souls into this place.
Ya know, I really don’t understand this concept of death. I mean, on my world, pokemon just faint and well the oldest person I’ve ever seen was a geezer who had pokemon. He just hung around the bar begging for change and fighting trainers with his crappy flying types.
What was I talking about again? Oh yea, I actually got a good idea! I think it was because Ernest and I tagged together to use the buddy system. Samus was saying something about the portals opening for only about 4 seconds at a time so we had to be careful or we could wind up somewhere scary (but I don’t know what place was worse than heck). Oh yea, my awesome idea was going through the portal and just beating up stuff so that way the portal would stay open longer! Great idea huh? Yea I thought so too, until Falco ran off to find a random portal for us.
Things weren’t looking too good until Falco jumped into this big white light. Sticking to the buddy system, we all jumped through after him. We ended up in this place that still looked like heck but was all blocky. We found some stair that led to a door and we followed the torches to the surface of this squared off place. As we stood at the door wondering if it was safe to go on, I started poking at the wall. It started breaking up and then it popped into a square of dirt I could hold. It was messed up! It seemed like everything was like that. The trees, grass, dirt, rock, all of it could be broken down and used to make stuff pretty easily. Well we got to work collecting wood and sticks and stiff to make torches because it was getting dark. Charlie looked worried and figured the top of a stone mountain was the safest pace to go.
We followed carefully and in the dark, I though I saw something that was making a funny noise. It must have been a pokemon! Nothing (I thought at the time) made noises like that that wasn’t a pokemon. Luckily I had Charmellion out, so I had him attack it…
I’m sorry I’m a little sad still when I think about it. There was this huge flash like a Voltorb exploding and Charmellion was out cold! It was so scary and I feel like such a bad trainer for sending him out to get hurt. It looks like this peaceful blocky had horrible exploding green llama monsters! We were already banged up really bad from our fight with the deaths from before so things were looking really grim. We rushed up the mountain to find another surprise waiting for us!
It was the Pirate! Another one of those Masters guys, this was the guy who sold me my Magikarp (who was still talking to me in my head). He wanted to strike a deal and he’d be willing to help us. We were all kind of nervous because Pirate was working with the bad guys. Luckily Charlie talked him into getting us a Pokemon center visit AND sending us on our way if we delivered something to a Doctor Wily in Mega Land. I don’t know it sounded too easy but I was just really excited about seeing something from home! HOME! I almost cried when I saw Nurse Joy! I wasn’t a very good starting Pokemon trainer (I HOPE I’m better now) so I was in the Poke-Center quite a lot for some really dumb things.
While the portal was holding, I was able to send a note home to Mom telling her where I was and that everything was all right. I don’t even know if anyone back home would believe me if I told them a little of what’s been happening! On top of that, something amazing happened! After Bulbasaur was healed, he EVOLVED into Ivysaur! I was so happy and he looked really awesome and powerful!
Well all my Pokemon were healed and all my gear was fixed so I was back to fighting strength. Oh yea, I think I forgot to say in the last log that Death busted one of my balls. It seemed important but luckily it was only Magikarp’s, he didn’t seem to mind.. We were still a little hurt though, so we had to be careful, keeping with his part of the deal, Charlie took the weird tape and held on to it. We were off to Mount Olympus! It was a good thing too, because I was starting to hear noises.
We stepped through the portal and we walked into the beautiful sky palace area. It was amazing! There were all these statues everywhere and the palace was huge with lots of stone stairs. It got kinda creepy after awhile though, the statues weren’t pretty, they were angel people who were obviously flying type. It was weird because all the statues looked scared or angry, like they were fighting something. As we got close to the top of the first set of stairs we came across yet ANOTHER surprise! The L33T had found us again! He was surrounded by worshipers and he was wearing a cape that made him look like a goof. He seemed just as surprised to see us though and he wanted to know how we got back on track.
Anyway, he got all mad that we had survived and he looked like he had something to prove. He threatened to zap us with his eye lasers. He almost got Charlie but luckily he dodged out of the way. I didn’t want to go back to that hot heckish uuummm hell, so I figured Squirtle could get him in the eye with water gun. Well it didn’t work, but Ernest threw Magikarp in his face and did some good damage! At least it knocked him off balance. Squirtle tried again and this time he got the L33T’s pants all wet! HAHAHAHAH It looked like he peed himself! It was really really funny! I felt like I was “T3H L33T UB4R P0K3YM4NZ M4ST3R!”
Buuuut then L33t summoned up a bunch of giant scary robots. Yea I stopped laughing really fast! Luckily everyone with guns weren’t scared because they unloaded! Samus fired like crazy, Falco sniped from impossibly far away and Charlie finally deleted him with his blaster, PEW PEW PEW! Yea we won (at least for a little while).
Well victory didn’t last too long though, as we climbed to the second flight of steps we came across another one of the Masters! Nerd! He was EXTRA angry that we broke out of hell and he wanted to make sure we didn’t get to the top of the mountain. He surrounded himself in some kind of shield and used the people’s stone statues to generate the shield. We all felt bad (accept Falco of course). We didn’t want to break the statues because they might have been people who were once stone. I mean I doubt a Paralyz Heal would do any good, but if anybody was going to try to help them, it was us!
Well they were coming towards us with these shields raised, it looked like the source of Nerd’s force field came from them. That’s when I got my second good idea of the day! I used Ivysaur’s vine whip attack to pry of the shields and it made a hole! Unfortunately, Nerd grabbed Ivysaur’s vine with some kind of flaming hand attack and hurt him real bad! The others weren’t going to stand for that. Samus and Ernest teamed up for a buddy attack. Ernest literally bowled Samus into the hole where she opened up with a Super Missile to the Nerd’s face!
We though we had won, but Nerd cast back Samus and repaired his force field. Well Falco didn’t have a problem shooting the statues to drop the shield and he did just that! That’s when Charlie and Samus moved in again to finish off the Nerd. Charlie borrowed Falco’s reflector and double-teamed the Nerd. Charlie managed to fire his blaster, not at Nerd, but at Samus, who was behind the Nerd the whole time! The shot bounced off the reflector and hit the Nerd square in the behind! Nerd was not happy. He said something about his master and then he retreated so he wouldn’t get deleted! Hey that rhymes!
One last set of stairs to go, we were almost at the top and at the Portal Control. All that was standing in our way was an army of demons, eggplant men and oh yea, a snake haired lady who could turn us into stone! We weren’t about to give up! We didn’t just climb like a million stairs like in the Rocky movies just to be kicked off of Mount Olympus!
Samus tried firing like crazy but her bullets were turned into vegetables thanks to the Eggplant Wizard, which made her kind of lose it. She rushed head long into the army taking out whatever she could! At least Ernest was happy cause he got some free vegetables out of the massacre! The battle wasn’t going too well though, I mean what did you expect, an army of minions against the tired N Team? Well it got even worse when that sake haired lady, named Medusa tried turning us all into stone! She got Charlie and Charmellion which made me really mad! Nobody hurts my friends! Luckily I switched out to Ivysaur and I had another idea!
I had Ivysaur grab the nasty Eggplant Wizard and face the Medusa. He turned into stone and blocked off her gaze! Samus and Ernest rushed in, blaster firing and mallet flailing. We were not going to give up! We were fighting like a real team. I think it was because we were afraid Charlie was going to be stone forever. Well luckily it worked in our favor.
Charlie burst out of his stone statue and was transformed with all kinds of great power. He had these wings of light and his zapper had turned into a golden bow. He had this awesome looking mirror shield too. He leaped at Medusa with all his might and peppered her with light arrows. She was going to try the stone trick again, but luckily he got the mirror shield up in time! He got Medusa with her own attack. As she turned to stone, she was smashed to pieces, and like her, the army broke before us in a final wave of epic victory.
As the power faded and the battle frenzy wore off from everybody, we were dead tired when the gates finally opened into a beautiful garden. We got to walk in and see a goddess. I haven’t seen a lot of goddesses but she was real pretty…
We got to relax finally and she showed us her magic pool. I kinda wanted to go swimming or at least give Magikarp a bath, but I guess that’d be kind of rude. Luckily she was keeping the Portal Computer safe in the magic water. I still don’t think that leaving the computer in water was all that safe, but what do I know, I’m just a kid. So we fired it up and the next place we’re headed is well….. An Epic Flashback?!?!

Text file post on phone
Medic, bottle or sleep chamber needed.

If anything happens to me and you find this phone please don’t think I was high or on any kind of drugs. I can guarantee that I am of sound mind—maybe a bit of pain overload but of sound mind. A few weeks ago I started having what I thought were strange dreams but have actually turned out to be trips to an alternate reality(?)/dimension(?) of video game land. I know it sounds weird but its true and if you need proof just find Professor Kevin Keene, my Father, who should be able to verify that video game land does exist.
So it all began one night when I was hanging with my friends at the Bean and I was feeling woozy and sick. I stepped outside for some air and then appeared in a field with a Castle surround by what I can only call a purple force field. In this field I met Samus Aran (yes she is as HOT as you’d imagine), Falco Lombardi, Red a Pokemon Trainer and Ernest the Farmer. Its a strange bunch but we’ve come through some weird encounters. Basically we’re trying to get into the Castle or Palace of Power and find out what happened to the Princess, my Mother, and King Charles, my Grandfather. We’ve already met an opposing force, also with intent on getting into the Castle, who call themselves The Masters (yeah way too full of themselves I know). Collectively they call themselves The Masters but we’ve met them in pairs so far: The Freak and The Hacker, The Jock and The Pirate, and The Nerd and The Leet (aka 73h 1337). It turns out they are all like me from the “real world” who can somehow transport themselves into video land. I’m getting really sick of these stupid Master characters too—they are all so arrogant and all I want to do is kick their asses. The Team…(MY Team?) has been doing an awesome job. We kicked the Four Fiends asses and with the help of Cecil I was able to defeat Sephiroth (yes he is as scary as you’d imagine—I almost shit myself). We’ve returned Mario to the Mushroom Kingdom and with his help kicked Bowser and his seven brats out of the palace. Mario and the Princess have once again reunited against Evil—why they stopped I don’t actually understand (and why shes such a cold bitch and won’t return Mario’s love I don’t know either). We helped Soma not become Dracula but in the process a few of us got fucked up. Hopefully the babes back home (in particular one comes to mind) like scars because I’m going to have a beauty across my chest. Red’s in really bad shape and hopefully we’ll be able to get him fixed up really soon—I’m worried for the kid he’s like a little Brother too me. Right now we just fell into the Underworld…I’m not sure what’s gonna happen…or if we’ll meet any allies…worse yet who we’ll have to fight against.

Sunbeams on Grave Stones

PokeDex Log Entry 4
Trainer: Red

Ok, so we were waiting for Charlie for what felt like a thousand hours, but Samus said it was only a few hours. I was bored so I started talking to my Magikarp. I think I’m gonna name him Ackbar, I don’t know… it sounds fishy. Well a few thousand hours and Charlie warps in as we’re heading to this creepy looking place called Castlevania. Really, it just looks like a creepy old grandpa castle with a badly taken care of front lawn. If I wasn’t working so hard to become a Pokemon Master, I’d offer to mow it for some money to buy potions and stuff. My Pokemon have been working hard!
So we’re flying around in Samus’s ship and it’s dark and raining and thundering and lightning and scary and stuff. I mean, really, I’m not afraid of lightning or the dark or stuff like that but at least we were all together in the comfort and safety of an unbreakable space ship. At least that’s what I thought before Falco freaked out. Looks like some of his animal friends who can fly space fighters showed up. Now seriously, animals flying space ships? And they keep telling me that Pokemon are weird.
Well I don’t think these animal friends of Falco were really his friends because they started shooting at him and then us! Luckily Charlie jumped on the gun pod and Ernest tried fixing the ship, which was taking a beating. Samus was getting really upset that they were shooting at us so she flew around all crazy to try and save the ship. Falco was flying around all crazy in his “R” Wing too. I don’t know why it’s called an “R” wing, maybe because it REALLY is a wing?! I don’t know but it didn’t last too long against all the other wingy space ships flying around. He was a really good pilot, but there must be something in the really good pilot book that says it’s ok to trash the bad guy’s ship by smashing into them with your ship. I don’t know but it looked like it worked ok! It got some of them.
The few that were attacking us were really stepping up the challenge and I don’t turn down a challenge ‘cause I’m a PokeMon trainer! We opened up the back door and I tried to make Charmeleon fire some embers at an incoming smart bomb. I knew those things could make craters so I figured it wasn’t good if they hit the ship. Of course, Charmeleon took that time to flake out and not listen to me! I needed badges from Gym Leaders to make him listen! Of course we were as far away from a gym as physically possible!
That’s when Charlie handed me something, HE HAD A BADGE!! It was great! It gave me untold power and dominion! Well it at least made Charmelion listen to me! He blew up the smart bomb but they we still coming! They blew off the back door of the ship and thanks to Bulbasaur, I was dangling out in the air. It beats falling to my death!
You know it was really nice of Charlie to give me that PokeMon badge. I can only imagine what he had to go through to get it! He might not have any of his Pokemon on him, but he’s a true trainer at heart! I’m going to work hard to be the very best… Oh wait, we were still under attack!
If it wasn’t for Samus throwing parachutes on all of us and throwing us out of the ship. We’d probably been blown up with it, because they just kept on shooting us! Luckily Falco was able to glide down and meet us on the ground too, because the sky just was not safe! He’s lucky to be a Flying type. So here we were, on some Vampire’s front lawn with no ride to the next warp zone… bummer. On top of that, all these skeletons and zombies and monsters came out of the wood work and tried to eat us! We were really out numbered so we had to head to the creepy castle. At least it was dry inside (we hoped).
As we were standing at the drawbridge we saw this weird guy. He had silvery hair and a cool jacket. He said his name was Soma and he could have been a Pokemon trainer cause he was dressed normally, but I could tell he didn’t have any Pokeballs on his belt. Anyway, he seemed upset because his girlfriend was missing and he had to find her. What she was doing in the castle, I don’t know. So we ran in and saw how fancy (and dusty) it was. We got a little more dry but then we got confronted by another bad guy!
This guy wasn’t like the Jock, the Hacker, or the Freak, he was called the Nerd. He had all these messed up powers! He apparently cast some kind of status effect on me that made me and Ernest unable to speak! I couldn’t give commands to my Pokemon, we were doomed! He kept trying to send us all back home in exchange for the warp computer but he was a bad guy and an adult so we just couldn’t trust him!
He gave us the mean bad guy speech and threatened us and then left. As if things weren’t spooky enough, we had to go outside again into a grave yard! We just got dry, seriously! When we stepped outside it was all muddy and gross and hard to walk. Samus had to take off her armor and well I knew she was a girl but I mean she was a GIRL. I dunno I don’t understand why such awesome space armor would be beaten by mud, it just doesn’t sound fair.
Well anyways we made our way outside and to make it all worse, we met up with another evil villain too! This guy called himself the L33t or 1337 or leet. I dunno he was talking all crazy and he was hard to understand! What we did understand was the not one, but TWO ghost type monsters he summoned! He called them Death and they looked really really scary, even more so because I didn’t have any Dark Pokemon to fight with.
It was really hard to remember a lot of what happened in the fight though. Everything went so fast! Poor Charlie got cut up his chest by the big knife attacks and the Deaths were flying all over the room! Samus and Falco we jumping around and Ernest was trying to make it naked by taking off its robes with his fishing pole. Maybe they’d get embarrassed and go home! They were really scary and I must have gotten them mad because they hit me really hard! How come nobody knows the right way to do battle? People would get along a lot better if they had pokemon to battle with! Well that’s what I thought as I got hurt and fell down.
It all went by so fast, there were all of my friends standing around me, and a really bright light as Bulbasaur was using some really powerful move called Sun Beam, I think. It knocked him out but knocked out one of the other deaths too! Everybody jumped on the last death and Charlie finally zapped it into a million pieces!
We were getting tired and hurt so we had to get into the Chapel part of the grave yard really fast to find Soma’s girlfriend! When we got in there, it looked kinda like one of those movies I’m not supposed to watch. These guys in robes were chanting over Soma’s girlfriend and he got really mad. He grabbed her but Charlie kept saying it wasn’t her? It was all really weird when she woke up too. She looked like she stabbed Soma really hard with some kind of attack! After that everyone started screaming and yelling and they couldn’t attack her. I tried to send out Squirtle and she must’ve cast charm on him. I was too hurt to see what the monster looked like but I heard a big crunching noise as Charlie dropped a big block on it. What was really neat was that it came out of his gun! Ernest then took the block and squashed the monster into gooey gooey paste. He seemed really scared but if I could do that to bad guys, I definitely wouldn’t be.
During the fighting the stone top to the Altar fell off and inside we found the computer! Wee got to work realy fast and found out the next place was on some kinda mountain called Olympus. We didn’t get too long to make sense out of it though, because those two jerks, the Nerd and the LEET (seriously, 1337, l33t?) showed up again and broke the floor. We fell really really far into a dark hole.
So now we’re here in this really hot place that looks like H, E, Double Hockey sticks and we’re tired and hurt! We really need a Pokemon center!!!

Can We Call Them Mushroom Type?

PokeDex Log Entry 3
Trainer: Red

Ok, this baloney! This place we went to next looks like everything and its mom is a pokemon! It’s not fair! I mean we saw guys with mushroom heads, little brown guys that looked like angry mushrooms, talking lizards and turtles that could jump out of their shells! I’m not making this up! But I did luck out really awesomely! But that’s for later.
We flew in to this place called the “Mushroom Kingdom” and we flew around it for like a thousand hours while Samus’s computer was scanning. It was soooo boring! Everything just looked like the same grasslands (no wild pokemon), dessert, ice land, pipe land (seriously??) and volcano land. Finally we landed in I guess was the civilized part of town where all these weird creatures were walking around.
Charlie said that something wasn’t right, that the brown guys and the turtles shouldn’t be in the same place a the mushroom headed guys, that they were enemies or something. I don’t know it just sounded racist to me! We went to the main road leading up to this castle place that belonged to a Princess Peach. Trust me, with everything I saw up to that point, I wouldn’t be surprised if her head was a giant fruit! On top of that, what’s up with these worlds all having castles in them? You’d think they’d evolve up a Poke-Center sometime. I swear if the next place we go is a castle…
Anyways all the locals were real hush hush every time Samus went up to ask them about what was going on. I don’t know why, she didn’t use her gun this time to get people to talk! Seems this place had a hero that skipped town and this big ugly lizard guy named Bowser moved in and said he was king. It seemed he kept the Princess all to himself and she only popped out of the castle once a year to judge a cake making contest. CAKE! Yes, it’s the staple of every ten-year-old’s diet and Ernest looked like he was “rarin” to make a cake for the contest. I don’t know what raring means, but it looked like he was really excited! Falco, Samus and Charlie looked like they were more worried about what was going on with the princess so we did the tactical thing and split up. Really everything looked peaceful enough and I really wanted to help Earnest make that cake!
Here’s where they get you though, we needed 10 golden coins to enter the competition and people just left these things lying (well actually floating) around. We were short one golden coin and this weird guy who looks like he played football or something just gave it to us! That was nice of him, but he was also kinda creepy at the same time.
And here’s the best part of all, on the way back, I found a booth that was selling Pokemon stuff! I know I though I was dreaming, but this guy in a funny coat was selling this RARE pokemon for dirt cheap! Well he was an adult and I figured he wouldn’t lie to me so I gave all my money and got this killer fish pokemon named Magikarp! He must be really awesome with lots of hidden powers because he has these soulless eyes and well he doesn’t really do much accept splash around and look totally awesome!
So after that me and Earnest went to the cake baking contest and I tried to help him using all my pokemon. The competition was fierce, I think I mean it was kind of scary watching the giant stone brick guys “Twomp” their cake all over the place. I also saw the little brown guys called goombas not doing too well because they had no hands. There were these little bread headed guys who wore creepy masks called “shy guys” and their cake looked really colorful so they were our worst competition.
Before the judging could start though, the others came back and said they needed to go to the palace and look around. I had to sneak in with them cause I found out that the cake was only going to be for that big ugly Bowser and the princess (turns out her head wasn’t a fruit). So we snuck in and according to Charlie, the place was all wrong. We went up to the princess’s room and poked around. I looked in her underwear drawer, just out of sneaky curiosity ya know, trying to find secret stuff. Well we found a picture of this hero that left. I guess his name was Mario and for a hero he was pretty fat and I think he needed a shave. It looks like they also found a console for the shield generator thingy.
We were getting ready to leave when these turtles and mushroom-heads jumped us. I guess we weren’t sneaky enough! We had to fight them and Charlie got hurt by a turtle spear . It didn’t work out too good because that guy in the weird coat came back. He called himself the ”The Jock”. I’ve learned by now that anybody who calls themselves “The Anything” is bad news and shouldn’t be trusted. They cheat and don’t play by the rules! Which is exactly what this guy did! He challenged us to a game of basketball. I couldn’t use my pokemon but the game apparently involved balls so I don’t think I’d do too bad!
We won the match like true champions, well it wasn’t too hard cause the other team was mostly short guys. But of course that jerk cheated and we warped us to some messed up Jungle world. Come to find out, that Mario guy was there! I think he was being held prisoner by some giant monkey the other guys were calling Donkey Kong. That’s the weirdest name for a monkey, I’m sorry! Anyway, of course he wasn’t a pokemon so he was easily tricked into running off of the cliff.
What was really messed up was that Mario guy was locked in a cage and he didn’t seem to want to leave. He was with this other lady named Pauline and I don’t know what they were doing, but I guess that’s how grown-ups behave… immature.
So we warped back with Mario to convince him to save the day and we accidentally brought back the giant rampaging monkey. Oops. Well all in a days work, cause it seemed to light the fire under Mario’s butt to get him moving again! Then there was this huge battle royale when that mean Bowser summoned his 7 other kids and a small army of other short guys. We thre everything we had at it and like true champions we made it out all right! Unfortunately Squirtle got a little dizzy when I made him pop into his shell and had Ernest bat him at the enemies like a golf ball. Hmm not one of my best ideas.
Anyway, we saved the day and Mario and the Princess are back together again and the Mushroom Kingdom is back into the brutal war it’s been in for decad

The Secret Diary of Sam Jones

November 5th

UGH. I hate that guy. HATE. Why do I put up with him?

Do you know what he did? He freaking left me in the middle of his house all alone. No, not alone: with his GRANDMOTHER, who I’m pretty sure is some sort of harpy from the depths of HELL. After he kept me up all night playing his stupid video games in his stupid room while I was stuck wearing stupid girl pajamas while he beat me at every game we played. He doesn’t even have a console! How the hell is he so good at Bubble Bobble? I played that game EVERY DAY with Robbie, and I ALWAYS WON. I HATE HIM.

Where the hell did he go? It’s just like the last time he left me in the middle of the town with a sandwich and didn’t come back until like 10 at night and he didn’t even have an excuse! Like those stupid pencils would make up for it.

You know, I was willing to let that slide. I even did the nice thing and drove him all the way to Custard’s so he could pick up a cake for Professor Keene’s birthday. Yes, it was his birthday. And then when I dropped him off there the professor invited me in for dinner, freaking dinner in his HOUSE. And then this woman walks down the stairs like she’s going to a country ball or something and made me sit there and there were SIX FORKS. I had to sit there while his grandmother asked me all these awkward questions and assumed that I was Charlie’s girlfriend. HA. AS IF.

It’s not like he’d ever go out with me anyway.

And this time I called and I called like a stupid pathetic LOSER because I was so worried and his phone kept going straight to voicemail and AAAAGH

Then he just showed up. No, like really just showed up, like he just APPEARED out of nowhere and he tried to be his stupid charming self when I got angry. So I punched him. That felt good. I should punch him more often. That would make all this go away and he’d learn not to just disappear on me and go wherever he goes when he disappears. He’s probably with one of those stupid girls or something. I’m so going to kiss kill him when I see him again.

And stupid homecoming is next week. I mean, it’ll be fun to watch the game, especially with Wolf playing, but I don’t know if I can handle everyone freaking out about it. I mean, I have better things to do with my time than talk about who’s taking who to the dance. Stupid.

I have homework ugh. I might fail German if I don’t study. I should get Wolf to tutor me. If he’s not busy. He probably is. I’d ask Krauser but I don’t want another lecture.

Okay, homework. I’m going to call Wolf and wager my compsci homework against his German tutoring and hope that’s enough. It better be.

Goodnight, diary journal.

- Sam

Flying High (Without Flying Type)

PokeDex Log Entry 2
Trainer: Red

WOW! This is crazy! One minute were in the palace of power, the next minute we on Samus’s ship (her name’s not metal lady anymore, I’m starting to remember), the next were flying at Hyperbeam speed into this strange world called Final Fantasy World! The place looked normal enough until we were caught in mid air by FLYING BOATS! I’m not kidding! They had propellers and cannons and everything. They pulled us over (I don’t know how) and this big scary guy all in metal came out and threatened us. He wasn’t a steel type Pokemon, his name was Cecil Harvey. He said he was a Shadow Knight I think! That’s how I knew he wasn’t a Pokemon! So anyway, everybody started yelling at each other (I guess that’s how adults say hello) and I was stuck in my seat on the space ship.

Cecil thought we were working with the Freak and the Hacker so that’s why he was mad. Samus let me out of my seat so I could show him that we weren’t evil. He said I was some kind of summoner and Oh YEA Charlie Keen came back outta nowhere! Seems he didn’t white out and go back to a Pokemon Center. Anyway it seems the bad guys were causing trouble and making Cecil get these crystals. I don’t know why, I don’t understand adults. Anyway we landed at this old castle called castle Baron and we walked all the way through and didn’t see anybody. We got into this HUGE room, like a Pokemon Stadium huge and it was all shiny and had a big crystal in it. We hid the crystal in Ernest’s bag because it can hold lots of neat stuff. All of a sudden the Freak and Hacker guy showed up wanting the crystal. We were all like “No way” and I was ready to challenge them to a Pokemon match when all of a sudden they summoned this big metal guy named Golbez. I thought it was a Pokemon because he didn’t talk but he wasn’t. Charlie ran at him and tried to hit him with his sword and it didn’t work too good. He caught Charlie by the face and was going to turn him into jell-o if we didn’t give him the crystal. We had no choice because Charlie’s the Captain and we can’t go around without a captain!

So they disappeared and we had to go to this magical mountain place called Mount Ordeals. We probably didn’t miss anything important. There was this shiny magic cave at the top and it had a mirror inside. That’s a dumb place to put a mirror! Cecil went to look at it and all of a sudden he turned un-evil and into this cool looking warrior called a Paladin! But then things got bad. The Bad guys showed up again and then all of a sudden, Cecil had to fight himself! Not his new goldeny self but his old dark-type self. That’s when I threw a Pokeball at it, because it HAD to be a pokemon! It wasn’t though. I think it got me in trouble because after I ran towards it, more stuff came out of the mirror! It was real bad!

There was this Dark type version of Samus, this icky girl who “wanted” Ernest (I don‘t know what that means), Charlie’s Dad (I guess he was evil) and worst of all… My Asshole!

He’s been my rival since we were babies and his grandpa is Professor Oak, the nice old man who gave me my Pokemon. Anyway I don’t know why they named him “My Asshole”. That’s ok because my mom was also thinking of naming me Ash or Player 1, YUCK!!

Anyway everybody started fighting! There were blasts of energy, huge missile explosions and Mayonase flying everywhere! Ernest got a bad hair cut and he punted the icky lady into Charlie’s dad who had this crazy zappy gun. It looked kinda like a toy but is zapped stuff! I had to do my very best to beat My Asshole! He had really really strong Pokemon but I think I had luck on my side. I was doing good until the cave started collapsing. Luckily Ernest punched My Asshole and we all had to run out of the cave. Me and Samus weren’t fast enough so we got buried under all this crystal stuff. I was really scared! But she was nice and shielded me from getting squashed! I tried to help did us out with my Pokemon (they seems to be digging an awful lot lately).

When we got outside… it was even crazier than back in the cave. There were these huge monsters which weren’t Pokemon, no matter how much they should’ve been! There was a fire type, a water type, a wind type, a ground type, and some weird lady with silver hair and a really big sword. She was mad at Charlie and Cecil because they ripped her coat. Oh yea, Charlie got the gun zappy thing off of his evil ghosty dad back in the cave. Oh yea, and FALCO WAS BACK!! I think he did something bad though, cause the moon was falling onto the planet and there were all these bright flares of light that were hot!

I was able to use my Charmander, Godzilla on the ugly earth type “Fiend” thing and it got burninated with his awesome Ember attack! There was all this crazy wind and Cthulhu my Bulbasaur shot some Razor Leaves at the crazy pretty lady who making all the wind. So Blubasaur broke wind (he he he) and the lady got angry. There was this mean guy who kept flashing us too! Every time he opened his cloak this big fire would come out! It hurt really bad and my Pokemon were almost all fainted! Falco tried to bounce the fire back but it seemed to heal it! That’s not fair, where I come from, like types just aren’t very effective!

On a good note though, Ernest was throwing rocks and he took down the water type thing all by himself! I tried to catch it in a Pokeball, but no luck. Charlie shot the moon and blew a big hole in it and we were almost all set on fire again. We managed to get through it all, thanks to Cecil healing us and Charlie jumping off a cliff to kill the silver haired lady with his zappy gun. We were afraid he wasn’t going to make it, but he’s the captain so he was ok!

Oh Yea, Falco broke the bridge. He broke it real good and CHARMANDER EVOLVED!! It was crazy, I thought he was going to explode! He glowing and stumbling around and then he turned into a Charmeleon! I can’t wait to see what moves he learns!

So we flew from the mountain to the moon because that’s where the Freak and Hacker were going. It’s a good thing we didn’t take one of the air-boats! I don’t know a lot about outer space but I don’t think it would’ve worked. For some reason though, we could breath on the moon. We found this other weird temple place all made out of crystal (these final fantasy world people really gotta live in safer houses). The Freak was there and so was the hacker. They were sucking out all of this power from this thing called Zeramus. Their other metal guy, Golbez was beaten up real bad though. Guess he figured out they were evil too!

So Freak had all the crystals and they were swooshing all around her and Hacker was just standing there and being evil. Ernest and Charlie tried to punch Hacker but he’s a cheater and was too fast. Oh Yea, we were able to hit both Hacker and Freak Lady because it doesn’t look like they can have their shields up when they’re sucking up power juice! That’ could help us defeat them later on.

Anyway we were fighting really hard and the Freak lady broke open this big hole in the ground and cut the moon in half! There was a computer in the center of the moon (imagine that)! I always thought the moon was made of cheese, at least on the inside, but it wasn’t cheese at all! Charlie and the Hacker jumped on the computer and started fighting while me and Falco had to give the Freak everything we had! I unleashed all the pokemon power I could and it looks like I was able to break all of the last crystals as Falco charged through and PUNCHED the FREAK in THE FACE!!! He totally knocked her out (or made her faint).

After that, the moon slammed back together. The Freak and Hacker disappeared again and Charlie said we had to go to this place called the Mushroom Kingdom. I don’t know anything about that place, but I bet it’s gonna be as weird as this place. Cecil was glad for our help and we had to take him home back to the earth because I don’t think he had a ride home.

So we’re off to a new place full of mystery and challenges, but I know we can make it through anything so long as we stick together! There’s nothing we can’t do if we stick together! Go “N” Team!!

Out of Corneria and into Hell

Video recording, date XX/XX/XXXX, time XX:XX. Falco takes a seat in his Arwing and looks at the console, a bit of grime on his hands and face looking as if he’s been working on repairing the Arwing. He gives the camera a stern look as he starts his recording

Slippy, I’m going to kick your tail when I get back to Corneria! First the G-diffuser breaks on me and then the ship couldn’t even take small blast from a Smartbomb. I told you I needed my Sky Claw before leaving, but NOOOO! Sighs

Anyway, I’m doing this recording due to Peppy’s request. Seems the old hare wants to see the kind of things I do when I’m not around, weirdo. So sit back and grab yourself some popcorn, this is going to be a long story.

I was on my way back to Corneria through the Meteo when I spotted a weird looking rock on one of the asteroids. The last time I saw something like this I was with the rest of the Star Fox team scratching some bogeys that worked with Andross, so I blasted it with a smart bomb to make sure it gone for good. After the blast all that was left was a bright object. I didn’t remember any of Andross’ goons leaving something like that after I shot them from the sky, so I got closer to check it out. Right when I was getting close to it the darn G-diffuser system died on me. Slippy told me it was in top shape before I left, but I guess he was wrong. Sighs and rolls his eyes

Anyway, after that broke I pretty much fell into the object and a white light blinded me. The next thing I knew I wasn’t in Meteo anymore and I was on a crash course with another ship. Using my superior piloting skills I didn’t whack the other ship too hard. The eject system went off, and when I got launched in the air I noticed some weird armored person pointing a gun arm at my ship! No one shoots at my ship! I pulled my gun on the armored thing, which turned out to be a girl, and we had ourselves a standoff. She was standing in front of some kid who looked like he was knocked out, so I wanted to shoot her for knocking him out. I got a little distracted though…Some kid chucked a small red ball at my head. I can’t make stuff like this up, Peppy old man, a child threw a ball at my face. To top that off he was surprised when I talked. Turns out he was a kid named Red from Pallet Town, where ever that is, where things like me are called Pokemon and are slightly…special. They can’t say anything but their own name and they do a lot of stuff for their masters. He trains these things, and he looks like he’s barely over ten. After that little bit of stupid another guy who looks like a kid came out with a dog. The guy’s name is Ernest, who turned out to be a farmer. He started yelling at the Red kid about his little pokemon attacking his pet dog. These two kids almost made me forget about the girl with the gun on me, but I didn’t let up on her either. The kid behind her woke up, and that got her attention, and mine after he started saying things about all of us.

Turns out this kid is Charlie Keen, who’s dad was important in this place we were in called The Palace of Power. I heard something about this place and about how some weird thing called Mother Brain tried taking over, but that’s about all I knew. The girl with the gun arm stopped pointing it at me and took off her helmet. Apparently she is some bounty hunter named Samus Aran. She, like me and everyone else here, got put here from something shiny and bright. I knew that sounds stupid, but that’s the best way I can describe it.

Anyway, Samus told us about a team called the N Team, lead by “The Captain”, who was Charlie’s dad. They went to different worlds and protected them while trying to fight against Mother Brain and all sorts of bad guys. I don’t know what this means for us though. After she talked to us about all that Charlie walked off and Samus went after him. I didn’t want to be stuck with the two kids, or maybe one kid and one really, really short guy, but either way I followed them. They found their way into some abandoned building, and I had to save one of the kids from falling into a pit of electricity. Charlie got locked into a room so Samus ran around like a chicken with its head cut off to find a way to open it. If you ask me she must have something for him or his dad. Anyway she froze up at the sight of this flying jellyfish. She looked freaked at the sight of it, or as freaked as you can look with a large can on your head. I tried to take a shot at it, but my blaster blew up in my hand. Holds his hand up, showing bandages where pieces of the gun pierced his feathers Hurt bad, but it’s nothing. Ernest smacked the thing with his hammer though and sent it swimming away. Where he hid that hammer I’ll never know.

We tried following the jellyfish thing, which we later learned was called a Metroid, but it went underwater into a really small, flooded path. Red and Ernest got the idea to use one of Red’s Pokemon to follow after it, so they tied a string onto it and sent it on it’s way. It went down and must have found something important, because all of the lights in this place turned on. Samus went running back to where Charlie was, and I followed soon after. We found him, with a sword in hand and a dead Metroid at the end of it. The kid can handle himself in a fight.

We were on our way out of the place when we spotted two people at some computer terminal. Looked like they were up to no good, so Samus and I pulled our guns on them. They looked so cocky, like nothing we could do would matter to them. They called themselves “The Freak” and “Hacker”, and I think those were good nicknames, considering he was using the computer to get something and she was nuts. That Hacker guy tried talking to me like he was better then me, so I took out my second gun and shot at him. He must have had a shield up or something, because it didn’t do anything. The Freak girl put her hand out and out came 5 more of those Metriod things and the two of them left. Samus took them out fast though, all of them with one hit. I’m glad she’s not pointing that gun at me anymore.

We left that place after Charlie told us about what he found inside, something about finding a few items in different worlds. I don’t know I wasn’t paying too much attention to it at the time. When we got outside those two were near our ships. Again my gun came out and again the shot was useless. I’m going to hit this guy sometime! They laughed at his and summoned this giant brain things with one huge eye and tentacles. I think this was that Mother Brain things Samus told us about. She froze up again…you know, for a tough merc girl she tends to get scared a lot. Charlie attacked it with his sword, getting a nice shot of its eye. The brain thing knocked him off though and sent him flying. I tried to grab him, but miss and Ernest had to do it. After that I tried to get my Arwing to shot one of my last Smartbombs at it, but it was delaying for some reason. Red and Ernest used one of Red’s pokemon to tie the brain up and kept it held to the ground. My smartbomb went off right when Samus and Charlie were right near the darn thing! They shouldn’t have been there. I tried to save them, but my reflector missed them and I had to burn up my shield to make sure I didn’t die in the blast.

The brain was pretty much gone, but so was Samus. Darn girl shouldn’t have been anywhere near the blast! I went looking around the outer area for her, thinking she got blasted away or something. Ernest found her in the crater that the bomb left in the brain’s place. She and Red dug her out, and she was pretty banged up. I carried her into her own ship so she could recover. She shouldn’t have been near the blast. He says, looking away from the camera a bit. He looks back after a moment and continues After I got her in her ship Charlie fell down and disappeared. Samus woke up and and said that seemed normal to her and set a course for some place called “Final Fantasy.” I told them I wanted to stay and work on my Arwing. I can’t stand being out of the sky for too long.

So here I am, stuck for now in some weird place with weirder people doing the weirdest things. Once this Arwing is fixed I’ll try and catch up with them or get back to Corneria. Falco out.

He says as he reaches to his counsel, hitting a button and ending the feed

Diary entry 1
This here is some kind o' crazy.

Diary slot 1


I am really not sure where to start. Mama always said to write down mai thoughts. She taught me all my school’in and such and I learned as much as I could before she passed like grandpapi.

I guess the first thang I could say is that I miss my farm. I miss all my animals and mai horse Ed. I saw blue earlier but I’ll get back ter that. I’ve met some new folk terday and they all seen like decent people. Some of ‘em seem a bit frigid but it’s nothing a good pie wont fix. See, thar’s this big story involved but I’m guessin if somthang happens to me, this diary will be around still… Possibly. Well, it’s not a nice thang to think about but after today….

Well lets start at the beginning. I don’t know much about my Pa. I know he left my Ma when I was very young. I’m not even sure I remember whut he looks like. It’s like…you have a picture in yer head but it’s all fuzzy and out of focus. He left me this rut sack and I took it with me everywhere. Not cuz I wanted somthin of his…Only cuz Mama said it was magical and I should take good care of it. She never seemed upset at Pa for leavin’ her the way he did. I got angry for her. She’s always tell me not to hate him. Tell me that he was a good man and he had his reasons. She never did get around to telling’ me dem’ reasons before a sickness took her from me when I was sixteen.

I lived with grandpapi for a while and he was just as cryptic as Mama was. He too was sick so I knew it was only a matter of time before he was gone too. I did my best to care for him and make the last days of his life, happy. On his death bed he told me that he was proud of me…and that he knew I would make the right choice when the time came. I had no clue whut he was talkin’ about…and I still don’t. He passed when I was eighteen and I lived by maiself for at least four more years before a friend of mai father came to find me.

Anywho, I’m rambling again. I should just get ter the darn point. Mama always told me I rambled too much. It’s not like anyone is gonna give a hoot about the past, right? Here and now is whut matters.

I was on mai farm early like always, tending to the crops and letting the chickens out. Blue was out thar with me but then he was gone. Blue is mai best friend so I got real worried. I wandered out dere in the woods near mai farm for him. (I know he likes to tinkle in dere) I couldn’t find that little rascal anywheres and that made me more nervous. Blue never just…runs off. Well my curiosity gots the better of me again when I spotted somthang real shiny. Usually when something is shiny in mai home it means it something important. Its how I found dem harvest sprites that take care of mai animals with me every day and durin’ dem bad storms. Funny thang is they will water the crops too. Not as fast as me of course but if I’m busy with a festival durin the day, I don’t have ter worry none.

It’s a nice feelin. Not having ter worry. Life on the farm seemed so simple. The village girls, Nami, Muffy and Celia would come visit me sometimes to talk and sometimes give me food. It’s mighty nice of them and a gentlemen never refuses a lady’s gift….I guess unless they are bein’ real mean or somthin’ like that. Honestly, Muffy kinda scares me. She’s real….forward. I sometimes think I see her like…followin’ me but when I look she ain’t there…They are all nice but Mama said a blue feather would come to me when it was time to pick a wife. I ain’t seen one yet so I guess it’s not time. I didn’t even think I was ganna like farmin’…runs in the blood I guess.

Anywho, the shiny thang was like…callin’ to me so I wandered over to it. Thar was this big flash and I was suddenly somewhere else. Where? I’m still not sure. All I know it was not home. Blue…I don’t think we’re in forget me not valley, anymore. Blue ran off and I followed him again. (seriously, what was up with this dog lately?) He was takin’ a tinkle…on some kid’s leg. The kid sent his evil little devil creature on mai Blue! I couldn’t have somthang hurtin’ my Blue. I tried to hit the creature with mai hammer but it moved last minute! Apparently these thangs ain’t’ monsters. There these thangs called Poke’Mans or somthang…And this kid, named Red, is their tamer. He can apparently catch a bunch more but they have to actually BE a poke’man. That’s so confusin’. Thar’s’ also this grumpy bird thang, named Falco, a metal thang that I found out is a very frigid lady, named Samus and a teenager named Charlie Keene who seems normal enough. Though after awhile, it seems this Samus lady knows (and from my opinion may be in love with) Charlie’s father. I sense some father issues goin’ on here…but maybe cuz I’m in the same boat as the kid.

The frigid lady informed us that we were all at some place called the Palace of Power. That it was the center of a video game land. Well I don’t even know whut a video game is so I just nodded and agreed. I found out that’s the best thang to do when talk’ in to this lady. Even though I’m tryin’ to be nice to her she is a bit mean to me and the others. Life is hard but it gives you no right to be so mean to decent folks you just met. Or at least that’s what Mama would say if she were here. She informed us that there was this here, HUGE battle and that thang on the lawn that looked like a pile of twisted metal and machine parts, was whut was left. She led us all inside it and even helped us over a big pit me and Red couldn’t jump. I knew there is a kind person in thar somewhere but she must be scared to show it for some reason.

He lost Charlie behind some magic door thang and all the power went out so we all went around to go find another way to him and get dem‘ lights back on.. Somethang about this kid was important…Like you feel the need to protect him for some strange reason. Samus was all scared by some jelly fish thang that’s called a metroid. Since she was so scared, I did the gentlemanly thang and tried to get rid of it. It sank into the water before I could put the poor thang out of it’s misery.

There was this funny blinkin light so Red summoned one of his creatures and I hooked mai fishin’ line to it. The power came back on and they all ran off leavin me and Red all alone. Now, that’s not the brightest darn idea. We seemed the most oblivious to whut was going on in this ‘dangerous’ area but I wasn’t ganna argue. They must know whut they are doin. When we all saw Charlie again he had this sword and had killed that weak Metroid thingy. It was best we all tried to go. I felt like we had overstayed out welcome.

We met up with these people near the end. You know when ya just get some bad vibes offa people? Yeah well, I got them off these two. These two were not friends…and no matter how many flowers or pie I gave ‘em nothin’ was ganna change that. The creepy lady, named The freak, summoned more jelly fish for us to deal with while her silent buddy named Hacker did somethang fancy on dem computers. They ran away but we followed quick after. Samus killed all dem Jelly fish Metroids all by herself.

That thar mean creepy lady taunted us some more…I’m not even sure whut she was talk’in about but from the others reactions I knew she wasn’t saying a darn good thang. There was this Huge one eyed thang that showed up and we had to fight it. It was tryin’ to kill us so no better reason, right? Charlie is a risky kid cuz he jumped on it and tried to stab it’s eye thang. It flung him and I had to catch him. I called him ‘captain’ when I set him down…it seemed like the proper thang to say, then ran back to the fight. One of Red’s little critters had hooked the big brain thingy so I helped tug it to the ground. Accidents happen and While the captain was on the thang again, Falco’s funny little ship shot some stuff at the creature. Samus saved him but there was this huge blast and everything went white.

It made this crater…and nothing was left. I started diggin’ in it, lookin for her and Red joined me with the help of his little Poke’Mans. She broke out herself but probably wouldn’t of been able to without our help. We all got on her scary ship thang and took off for this world she called Final Fantasy. Charlie got all tired and passed out. Then he pulled a disappearing’ act like Blue had done! It seemed to be a normal thang to Samus so I decided not to worry. He’d be back, I just knew it somehow.

Well that’s about it. Sounds unbelievable but it’s the honest truth. Mama didn’t raise no liar. I don’t know what the future has in store for us but all I know is that we are doin’ somethang important.


I found out most of my crew members do NOT like soap.


“Damn it all!”
The Freak punched the wall of a hallway of Baron castle in frustration, promptly deciding that was a bad idea shook her hand to ease the shooting pains in her arm.  There was a new Captain now, and they were hot on her trail.  Her and The Hacker anyway.  They would have to rush now to keep ahead of their pursuers.  They had the same access to the shield schematic, and Samus’ ship would be able to finish translating it very soon.  He already had a team.  How had he slipped under their radar for so long?  Impossible.
The Hacker raised his one exposed eyebrow at his companion curiously.  She looked at him.
“Sorry, I’m calming down.”  She fidgeted with a pack of clove cigarettes and started to light one.  “And don’t look at me like that, you’re creeping me out.”
The Hacker’s face was smiling under his dark hood and mask.  This only served to frustrate The Freak more.
“Say something, damn it.  What’s with the silent treatment crap?”
The Hacker remained mute, and smiling.  The Freak made a fist again, ready to knock that look right off of his face.  He did not stop.  She sighed heavily and lowered her hand.
“Not worth it.  Anyway, we have work to do now.”
The two walked up a set of stairs to Baron’s Throne Room, passing several dead guards on the way.  They had taken the castle with ease, thanks to her almost frightening powers.  She loved how great it was to be in Video Land.  Her power continues to grow with each passing day.  She had been partnered with The Hacker to learn the ropes, being the newest member of their team, and while he remains ever-silent, he has shown her more in their short time together than she thought possible.
The opened the large doors to the throne room and stepped into the chamber.  Pinned down by a Dragoon dressed in dark colors, a Dark Knight struggled against his captor in the center of the room.  Upon seeing The Freak and The Hacker enter the room, he redoubled his efforts, but to no avail.
“If you’re going to kill me I suggest you do it now, because if I break free…”
The Hacker was grinning again, The Freak tried to ignore him.
“If we were going to kill you, it would already be done, and you wouldn’t have seen it coming,” The Freak reassured her captor.  “But we still need information, and an errand boy, and you seem like the right guy to get it for us.  Aren’t you, Cecil Harvey?”
Cecil struggled against his captor, his up-until-this-moment best friend Kain.  Kain kept his prey in place silently, making no gesture that he heard or understood anything going on in the room.
“How do you know my name?!” Cecil demanded.
“Silly, naive Cecil, I know everything about you.  Who you are, what you can become, and unless you do exactly as I say, you will not live to see any of it…”  The Freak had closed the gap between them and held Cecil’s helmeted face up to hers, before dropping it again and turning away, the smell of her clove cigarette assaulting his nose through the shadowy faceguard.
“And if I refuse?”
The Freak smiled as broadly as The Hacker now and turned to face her prisoner.
“If you refuse, your dear lover, Rosa, shall not live to see you again…  The same goes for Kain and for anyone else you know and love or will ever know and ever love.  Not only do I know all about you, Cecil Harvey, but I also know how your Final Fantasy ends…”
Cecil dropped his head in shame.  If only he had been stronger.  Maybe he could have prevented this somehow.  Who could help him now?  There was no one, no way to call for help.  He was powerless to stop these beings from taking whatever they please.
“Oh,” The Freak mentioned, “And we’re in a bit of a hurry, so make it quick, too.”  Kain moved Cecil to his feet and led him back into the Crystal Room behind the Throne.
She turned back to The Hacker and said in a hushed tone, “And if any outside company arrives, we’ll have a surprise waiting for them…”

Samus Aran's Personal Mission Log 443239.392

Samus Aran’s Personal Mission Log 443239.392
2245 Hours Local

(Shuffling, and the sound of a body settling down in a chair.)

Well, they’re bunked down for the night. I’m lucky two of them are short, or I’d be sleeping on the roof tonight. So, there’s still 31 hours left on the calculations for the quickest route to Final Fantasy, there’s a bird picking through my pantry looking for gods know what, and our Captain has dissolved into thin air while I was too weak from almost dying to try and stop him.

(She sighs.)

What a day.

The Captain’s back. Did I mention that? Fate spit him up on my doorstop for the second time in my far-too-exciting life, and I’d be lying to myself if my heart didn’t stop when I saw that jacket, thinking that he’d finally come back, to set things right when I screwed them up, and to make me believe that the rest of the team is still out there when everyone else just prays for their memory and brings flowers to their open grave.

That reminds me – Computer, set radar and scanners to maximum range in all incoming sectors. I don’t want to be surprised again.

(Faint beeps and clicks, and another sigh.)

This Captain… It isn’t him. It’s, heh… It’s his kid. His son. The one the Princess and I had a fight about while she tottered around the empty palace, preparing for the final battle while her ankles swelled like balloons, the one she was suddenly not pregnant with the morning before Mother’s forces stormed through the doors. Yeah, that one. He’s got to be eighteen, well-built and grown up and gods damn it, but he’s got the same exact smile. He’s got his mother’s eyes, though. His name is Charlie.

This is going to take some getting used to.

I… I think this is the Warp’s way of making things right. Why else would I happen to find a strong, steady signal from a Warp Zone that’s only rarely blipped on my radar, no matter how hard I scan, and why would it take me to the Palace of Power where three others were dumped at my feet to find the boy who would be Captain? I wish it had found a better way to do it – that bastard knocked a few of my arrays off the ship when he dinged it, and those things are expensive.

Back on topic.

Once again, I find myself saddled with a team that could not be more unprepared for whatever forces have decided to align themselves against us. One is a midget from some backwater world that talks in anecdotes and apparently farms; one is a kid – ten years old – and uses captured wildlife to fight his battles for him; one is a brash fighter pilot who thinks he knows everything and believe me, I think he’s the most sane one out of all of them. You know how much I hate brash fighter pilots who think they know everything. And the Captain, well… I can assume he has some natural ability, seeing as how he took down a Metroid single-handed, weak as it was.

Gods, that sound… I thought I was beyond that sound. Turns out I’m not. Some warrior I am.

It’s just that…

(She sighs heavily.)

Old Bird always said history is destined to repeat itself, and I’m starting to think he’s right. My life up to now has been a series of situations that have already happened to me, and yet they present themselves again and again and force me to analyze every mistake I’ve made over and over and try to find how I could have changed it for the better. I don’t think I’ve learned anything, aside from how to keep myself alive when everything is crashing down around me.

(A beep, and the tap of fingers on a keyboard. A frustrated sound from Samus.)

The Varia suit is still locking me out, even with energy recharged to full. That blast must have knocked out the reserve power tanks. It’ll take me ages to fix it, and I don’t have that time. There’s something out there, working against us before we’ve even gotten a chance to build this team up to a point where we have a remote chance of survival. Those two… They had powers I haven’t seen since… since he left. Even La— the Princess, I mean, when she held the Zapper and the Power Pad, had none of their powers. To summon up even a shadow of Mother… That took power beyond what exists in this world. And something tells me we’re going to be walking in their shadow, doing exactly what they want while we scramble to pull together. It gives me chills.

The others here have talent – even I can see that. It will take work, but maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a fighting chance. I think I can do that much. It’s always been my job, anyway – train the soldiers and send them off to war, until you can’t stand seeing them come back in boxes. So you disappear, or try to. But it always pulls you back.

As for myself… I’ll pull through.

Heh. Somewhere, Old Bird is laughing at me. Look where your granddaughter is, old man. Look how far she’s come. You should have given me Chozo brains as well as Chozo blood – maybe then I’d be able to figure out a way to keep this team safe without killing myself in the process. Do you hear that, you senile bastard?

Never mind. Stand by for mission resource log.

(A faint beep.)

Personal Status: Exhausted, bruised and sore, but alive.

Suit Status: Power resources charging to full without issue. Reserve tanks empty, likely damaged. A full scan is required to assess other damage. For now: Varia mode: Offline. Gravity Boosters: Offline. Screw Attack: Offline. Morph Ball mode: Online. Power Beam: Online, thankfully. Remaining resources limited. Looks like I’m back to where I started.

Ship Status: Dinged and with a few arrays missing, but otherwise fine. That kid better not take his dinosaurs out of their little balls, though, or I’m going to have words with him.

Encounter Summary:

  • A farmer, a Pokemon trainer, and a fighter pilot from the Corneria galaxy. Pulled a gun on the pilot, who pulled one right back on me. I like his instincts.
  • The new Captain of the N Team, son of the previous Captain and heir apparent to the throne of Video Land. Seems like a good kid, if a little rash in his decision making. Just like his father.
  • A Metroid, young and barely alive due to lack of energy on the ship. Killed by the Captain.
  • Two humanoids claiming to be called The Freak and The Hacker. Wielded powers on par with the previous Captain at the height of his ability. Likely up to no good, to put it lightly.
  • Mother, summoned by the Freak. I believe it was only a shadow of her, as there’s no way she could have survived close to two decades in that twisted wreckage. Destroyed by the combined efforts of the team.

Mission Summary: Find the Zapper and the Power Pad, likely hidden within the remains of the Palace. Defend the Captain, with my life if necessary. Train the Team. Protect Video Land. Find the Princess.

Current Destination: The Worlds of Final Fantasy. Gods help us.

Mission Status: FUBAR. Come back in the morning and I might be more optimistic.

Mission Log, complete.

(Another beep. Samus mutters softly under her breath.)

Why is it always the princess?

(With a final click, the audio file ends.)


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